Following our reproduction of her 1997 piece ‘A Snail’s Tale’ in the last edition, the late Hilary Gilmore would have been amused by this recent piece by Matt Rudd in The Sunday Times.

The firmest sign yet that we’re back from bust to boom comes not from the spike in mortgage approvals or from the fact that Vince Cable is in a bad mood but in the revelation that the women of Corby, Northamptonshire, are now shelling out £50 for a snail facial.

This treatment – predictably, from Japan – comprises 3 snails crawling over your face for 20 minutes while a ‘snail facialist’ is on hand to ensure none of the molluscs sneak up a nostril. The snails’ trails are supposed to have remarkable anti-ageing properties. Two things to say on this.

First, no matter how haggard you feel, this is a step too far.

Second, if you’re still tempted, pop round to Jardin du Rudd. We’re offering a near identical treatment for a tenner, and you can take the snails home with you when you’re done.