I wanted Madonna to smash ageism like she’s smashed everything else…

It gives me no pleasure to write this, but I think things are over between me and M. I’ve been in love with her since I was 16, but as the kids say, I just can’t with her any more.

Why? Is it the weird bum? The filters? The fact that she looks like every other influencer on Instagram? Well, sort of. But it’s more fundamental than that.

Madonna was the ultimate rule-breaker. The girl you knew would get you into trouble, who’d be the first one to challenge something. She seemed indestructible, and I loved her for her devil-may-care attitude. She trampled across the world, smashing taboos and upsetting everyone from the Catholic Church to the men who wanted to tame her. She famously said she wanted to ‘rule the world’. She kinda came close.

I loved watching her change, and grow, and metamorphosize. I particularly loved watching her make a comeback in the nineties, and kick up dust and disco in her 40s and 50s. And yeah, I know she’d had work done by then, but she still looked, you know, like Madonna. I thought she was ageing well. Go girl. Show us how it’s done.

But no…

So, I realise that this is about me and my expectations, which isn’t fair. But I wanted Madonna to break the ultimate taboo and blaze a trail for the future. I wanted her to age defiantly, and stick two fingers up by being different, and not fall into the trap of desperately trying to stay young. I envisaged her ageing like a Bette Davis or Katharine Hepburn type, all pithy and without any fucks given. And instead, what do we have?

Reader, you know what we have. I’m not going to slate her; it’s ageist in itself to rip her to shreds for her choices, and she’s getting enough of that shit already. We all know what the deal is. I watched a live performance she gave with Maluma recently and found myself looking through my fingers like it was a horror film. It was a car crash in slow motion. Suffice to say that the Madonna we see on Instagram is completely different to the one we see live on stage, or in pap photos without filters. 

Her live appearance is SO different, in fact, that I’m surprised she still does it. I could imagine her going on from here, disappearing into a digital-only world, going full Norma Desmond, luring younger and younger men to her lair.

It’s a shame, because she had the power and the reach to really make a massive difference. To bust a cap in the naturally saggy ass of ageism. And I’m gutted, although it’s obviously her choice to take the road more travelled. I feel sorry for her really. In 2016 – literally a few years and a thousand procedures ago – she said in her acceptance speech for Billboard’s Woman of the Year award: “The most controversial thing I’ve done is stick around.” I think if she’d wanted to be REALLY controversial, she could have ‘got older’. But in showbiz that’s a lot to ask.

One of the best things about Madonna was her face – it wasn’t traditionally beautiful, but it was a face with impact and character. Now, not so much. I don’t honestly know if I’d be able to pick her out of a line-up of influencers, with the plumped lips, the filters, the alien face shape. I mean, you do you, girl. But what happened to swimming against the tide?

At a time when it was controversial, she stood up as an activist, voice, and massive fundraiser for the gay community, ripped apart by HIV and AIDS. There’s been Raising Malawi, and the Ray of Light Foundation, as well as over thirty other causes she supports. In an interview with People Magazine, she famously said, “Helping people is like tattoos. Once you get a tattoo, you keep getting them. It’s addicting. You see the difference you’re making in one person’s life, so what’s the big deal if I help one more person, and one more person?”

So how about making some inroads into smashing through the ageism wall kiddo? Let’s really break some rules. Perhaps the most taboo of them all.

Sam is founder and Editor-in-Chief of Silver Magazine – for the mature maverick

www.silvermagazine.co.uk

Pic: Ronald S Woan

In the first of our chats with the ace faces of our city, we meet Leo, front of house at The Flint House. Gilly Smith asked him how it felt after coming fourth in Brighton’s Best Restaurants Awards 

Gilly: Flint House has done so well. When the sun shines and the outside area is bathed in sunshine and you’ve got a cocktail in your hand, there’s no finer place to be – and now you came fourth in the Awards. It must be fantastic to be recognised like this.

Leo: It was so exciting. I was kinda hoping for top 10 and then it was down to the top 5, and I thought “Right! We make it into the top 5 or we don’t make it at all!” But yeah, it felt amazing. It was very overwhelming for us. Very emotional.

Gilly: What do you think that they’re looking for in a Brighton Best Restaurant?

Leo: ‘Character’ I suppose is a nice word to use there; on the food, on the service, on how we display the food, the plating. I think a bit of character helps on everything, doesn’t it?

Gilly: Well, it is part of the Gingerman Group, and The Gingerman was one of the very first top restaurants in Brighton. When I came here 24 years ago, the Gingerman was just opening around that time. And it was fantastic because you knew that you would be able to get consistently great food. And that’s what you want from a top notch restaurant. The Flint House has a little bit more character about it, doesn’t it?

Leo: We call it the Gingerman’s wicked little sister.

Gilly: Absolutely. Is that what (chef-owners) Ben and Pamella McKellar wanted to do with it?

Leo: Yes, that was the whole plan. We are casual fine dining. The Gingerman standards are there, and maybe it’s a bit hidden sometimes, but it’s the way we do the service. We need to have a personality because it’s part of the whole experience.

Gilly:  And as we’re talking about personality, tell us a little bit about you.  You’re Brazilian. How long have you been here and why did you come to Brighton?

Leo:  I left Brazil 11 years ago. I was in Ireland a little bit, and then I came to Brighton as a tourist in about 2013. I didn’t know much about it but I of course loved it! And then I was living with my husband in the Gatwick area, and as life goes, we separated in 2015 and I thought, ‘right I know where I’m heading to.’ I wanted a bit more fun. So, I came to Brighton and realised what an amazing culture of restaurants and people and everything else there was here.  

Gilly: Were you in restaurants before? 

Leo: I started at The Hilton at Gatwick and learnt from the madness there of suddenly having to feed two hungry people because their flight was cancelled, and you have to reset everything. Then I came down to Brighton and worked at Wagamama, and then helped to open Gails Bakery next door. And then from there to Flint House and I’ve been there since October 2019.

Gilly: You’re front of house front of house there and that’s a really important job. It’s like a theatre, isn’t it? 

Leo: it is! It’s like a huge theatre. I do say that to the guys: ‘Right guys, let’s get the show on!’  That’s what we’re here to do. It is a theatre but people are literally right in front of you. There is no separation there, so things can get quite personal. But it is a performance pretty much every day.

Gilly: And of course Flint House is in The Lanes. It’s not tucked away in the North Laine, in Localville. This is Tourist Central. So you’re going to get a lot of people coming down who might not be so ‘Brighton’ as the rest of us, perhaps. Give us your top tips for dealing with sulky Trip Advisor types.

Leo: I’m gonna try not to be too sassy here, because I ‘m well-known as being the sassy one at The Flint House! We kind of need to know how to read the room because we need the customers in front of us. Adapting to the customer is very important, but I think at Flint House we have a bit of character for sure on the service. And it’s very rare that you’re gonna get the TripAdvisor people.

Gilly: I was sitting next to some last time I was there and they were pretty sullen. Who’s that lovely girl who served us with the pink hair? 

Leo: That’s Hannah.

Gilly: Yeah, Hannah was absolutely fantastic. I’m not sure that they appreciated her humour or her sassiness though. And I just thought, ‘Oh my God, she’s brilliant.’ She didn’t apologise for herself in any way. They just didn’t get her. 

Leo: As long as we are not rude to the customer, we do what we’re supposed to do, and we won’t apologise for ourselves. We keep the character. I think that since Covid, people have either got twice as grumpy or twice as nice. No one is the same. Normally I would take it very personally and think ‘Why aren’t they having a good experience?’  Now after a few years, I’ve learned that there is much more going on than in that two hour slot. You never know what else is going in in people’s lives. 

So it’s about trying not to make it personal. You try to make the customer understand that you get them. As long as I’m not scored minus one, it’s ok. I don’t need to be plus 10 with you right now because I know that’s not going to happen. As far as we leave on zero, we can maybe redo it again. And then we can see what the next score is going to be. And that’s pretty much how I personally approach things when I’m dealing with the TripAdvisor people.

Gilly: Good attitude. Finally, Brazil or Brighton?

Leo: Brighton for sure… Brighton allows me to be myself. I wouldn’t ever be able to be the loud Leo that I am at Flint House. But also in Brazil those TripAdvisor people you mention, they are everyone. They will be judging the characters, and you have to be apologetic about yourself. And I’m not. 

So definitely Brighton. Yeah, I love a bit of Brightoness.

Sarah:  I run an A Cappella choir called The Dulcetones, we sing vintage-inspired classic tunes and unusual treats covering lots of different styles and eras from ‘60s girl groups to 90s rave. I am affectionately entitled ‘the twisted choir starter’. There’s no choir mistress round here!

It was originally a Middle Street primary school PTA friendship-building experiment with arrangements of groovy songs. We did that for a year or two until the funding ran out, as so often happens with brilliant things in education, so I decided to take it on as my own baby, cover it in leopard print and rebrand as The Ducletones. We’ve been having musical adventures together ever since. 

My mum insists that I was singing before I could talk, and I believe her. I’m a session singer, I teach vocals and I’ve toured with various bands including one called Derriere, but Dulcetonia is where I live. Choir has definitely got me through some tough times, and that’s a pretty common theme… Thursday evenings are magic.  It’s that protected time. So many of us are just completely overwhelmed with work and responsibilities and commitments and so on, and carving out time that is for you when you get to connect with your choir fam is  one of the most meaningful things you can do. No matter what else is going on in your life, you know that you can come to choir – prepared or otherwise – and blast off your life cobwebs. It’s well documented that the act of singing is brilliant for your mental and physical health, but it really takes it to another level when you’re doing it with a group of other people.  You’re literally physically vibrating at beautiful harmonic frequencies and there’s nothing quite like it on the world. 

Amanda: Six years ago, almost to the day, I had just had a little bit of a nervous breakdown. I was in a very, very dark place at the time, but my daughter heard about the choir and persuaded me to join. I felt like I had become a part of a new family, and it really did restore my confidence. Sarah made me feel super welcome, and everybody was amazing. It was really hard to actually walk in here at that time because I was in such a bad place, but I’ve now made friends for life. I’ve been part of choirs before and music was always a massive part of my life, and I knew that it was something that I needed to kind of revisit. I’d been meaning to do it for a long time, but Sarah takes you as you are and I didn’t need to perform in anyway. I didn’t need to be something that I wasn’t. I could turn up and just feel really welcome and yeah, just be me. Sometimes you cry with them afterwards, and just…  Yeah, it’s just amazing.

Sally: Thursdays are my favourite day of the week I’ve never been happier since joining this choir 12 years ago.  Sarah is an ultimate legend; basically you get two for the price of one with her – you get a stand-up comedian and you get the choir.  You make new friends and you get to put yourself out of your comfort zone doing shows. It’s just the best decision I ever made. 

I had only ever sung in the car or the shower before. I never knew what to do with my voice, even though I knew I could sing. It’s not amazing, but I can sing.  I have a voice, and this has enabled me to finally use it. I was 32 before I found my hobby, so yeah it was a long time coming! 

Sara: Choir really has changed my life. I’m 65 now, so I feel like one of the oldest ones here but I’ve always loved singing.  I sang in another choir before but this is just something else. Sarah‘s energy is incredible and she’s such a brilliant singer, and the people here are just wonderful; they even sang at my 60th birthday.  One of my favourite moments in the nine years I’ve been coming was performing David Bowie songs at the Spiegeltent. I love a bit of David Bowie.

Deborah: What’s really changed my life is the community feeling. When you’ve had a really hard week and you feel you can’t do anything or you don’t want to be with anybody, you just feel welcome. The lovely chemicals that are in my body and the joy is incredible.  I don’t even have to sing very well because when you do it amongst people it’s just joyful.  That moment of pause in a really busy life is wonderful. It’s just mine. 

“An Evening With The Ducletones” is on Thursday 21st July at Wagner Hall.  

Follow The Dulcetones on Facebook or check http://www.thedulcetones.co.uk

Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be… Billie Eilish…

Going along to my first rehearsal with Brighton Gay Men’s Chorus (GMC) in January, it’s fair to say I was a little nervous. I had been in a relaxed community choir before, but this felt like a different league.  

Two-and-a-half hour rehearsals on a Tuesday night? Tick. 100+ other members? Tick. Christmas shows at the Brighton Dome? Tick.  

It’s a big choir with a big reputation and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this particular jelly. I also had some reservations about the musical repertoire. Like a fair few queer people, I enjoy the odd lip-sync-along to a Madonna classic, but overall my music taste tends to veer more towards the alternative aisle. More Garbage than Gaga. My impression of GMC was wall-to-wall razzle-dazzle gay anthems and that is not my musical bread and butter.  

Pssst…don’t tell anyone, but I’m not actually a big Kylie fan. 

Walking in to the beautiful, ornate church where rehearsals happen, I tried to put my reservations to the side. Within minutes, I got chatting to another friendly newbie and felt reassured that I wasn’t the only nervy one. I was then introduced to my ‘buddies’ for the evening, a delightful Baritone couple who put me at ease and seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. By the time we started our vocal warm-up, I was already feeling, well, warmed up. 

Four months and many hours of rehearsals later, it’s time for our ‘Diva’-themed shows in the Brighton Fringe festival. I’m in our sweaty dressing room in the interval, surrounded by half-naked chorus members frantically getting into their diva outfits for the second half. Mine is relatively low-maintenance but maximum colour impact: 

Neon-green joggers? Tick. Neon-green tie-dye baggy hoody? Tick. Neon green hair extensions attached to a blue wig? Tick.  

Tonight, I’m flying the alternative diva flag and I’m bringing some Billie Eilish green realness.  

Singing, socialising and support. These three S’s are what the chorus, a registered charity, aims to provide members and the wider community. In the months since I joined, I have been surprised by how much I’ve benefited on all three fronts. Sure, at times the singing part has been challenging, with loads of songs to learn at a pretty galloping pace. 

I see challenge as a good thing though, and I’ve developed greater strength and confidence in my singing as a result. It’s the social part, though, where I’ve gained even more. I’ve made several new friends and even gone on an impromptu trip to Belgium with one of them.  

Most of all, I feel a sense of belonging to a bigger queer community. Sometimes people assume that if you’re LGBTQ+ and you live in Brighton, as I’ve done for the past nine years, you’re automatically part of a big queer gang. That’s not been my experience and it’s taken me a while to really find my niche. The chorus is now somewhere I can call ‘home’ and that means a lot.  

As does discovering my own alternative brand of diva-ness, Billie-style. 

Check out: https://www.facebook.com/brightongmc

There’s nothing quite like Brighton in May. You can’t move for festivals and anyone who’s anyone has a wristband of some sort. But just like the success of Brighton Festival led to the Fringe, so the success of The Great Escape opened the door to something a little less corporate. Mick Robinson reports

The Great Escape has cemented itself as one of the UK’s leading music festivals, and alongside The Camden Crawl, is a hotbed for the discovery of new talent. Attracting visitors from around the globe, you get your wristband and from there, well, nothing’s stopping you. Take your pick of the pubs and regular venues, but also the pool halls and carparks and… just about anywhere you go, there’s music, and it all  adds to the unique feel of this event.

There’s music from all over the UK – there was a sparkling Scottish showcase at the One Church – and it’s easy to feel that it’s a big music industry showcase. You can drown in bands from London. 

But for me the best thing is the local talent. Down here words like “corporate”, “big record label” and “industry” are considered dirty words, and the ‘Alternative Great Escape’ was born to showcase local unsigned bands and to open up the venues to people without wristbands.

This in mind Shortts Bar hosted three days of music, two hosted by local promoters and the last by the bar itself. Based in Kemptown, some folks tend to shy away from this side of town as it used to  have a reputation for being a bit like a George A Romero film, something like   The Night of The Living Dead, but things are changing and now there’s a more old school Shoreditch rough’n’ready vibe.

As for some of the bands we’ve featured, I’ll try and avoid the tired “the band sound like the Bunnymen meets the Clash” comparisons, as that’s all a bit meaningless. Be honest, you could probably say that about any band playing nowadays and you’d still be none the wiser. Most  kids have grown up on that rich tapestry of UK/USA punk, indie, electronic etc, music that’s been passed on through the culture and their parents as always happens in this country of music obsessed folk.

On that note, some full disclosure here. Each band featured here has a son or daughter from friends of mine or my daughter’s friends who’ve I’ve known for years or gone to gigs with for years. It’s not nepotism, it’s just there’s a hell of a lot of talented off spring out there.  

NOVA, a Brighton four piece band, all 18, full of post punk enthusiasm and the willingness to pull in the experimental funked up bass line and scratchy guitar of that era and give it a fresh sound with catchy hooks. They’ve got a strong  individual look too, and as a band starting out they have a bright future ahead.

ZAP EUPHORIA are already playing to a loyal, crazy fan base who follow them to every gig. The band have great charisma and are already working audiences up into a frenzy. Grunge funk distorted to the max with a message in the music that takes no prisoners. You can’t take your eyes off the band, they’re that hypnotic.

Crawley based SHAMEFACED, more of a wrong side of the tracks look and sound, again wonderfully  structured and dramatic songs, full of driving bass, drums and intricate then power chords guitar, perfectly highlighted in the clever lyric and vocal delivery of their classic “Blue Subaru”.

Check them all out, the energy,  belief, charisma, stage and song  writing craft and style of these bands will potentially propel them onto bigger stages, audiences and who knows a bit of Radio 6. Remember – you read it here first.

To mark the start of the summer holidays HD Pilates brings you 2 special workshops at West Hill Hall:

Thursday 7th July 

Pilates with the band with Keri Lummis:

6pm Beginners-Improvers

7pm Intermediate

Join Keri for a pilates flow class using the theraband. The band csn be useful for assisting many pilates movements as well as providing resistance for some exercises. Strengthen and lengthen your body!

Thursday 14th July

Pilates with the Ball with Helen Douglas

6pm Beginners-Improvers

7pm Intermediate 

Join Helen for this flowing class using the overball. We use the ball in the class to increase range of movements, support our bodies, and increase the understanding of the exercises. This is a feel good, dynamic workout.

Workshops £10 per class

Please contact Helen on helsdouglas@hotmail.com to book your place. 

07970047799

HD Pilates

www.hdpilates.co.uk

It’s Friday afternoon and your editor is standing on the sun soaked deck of the newly refurbished Art Deco building just behind the Sea Life Centre by the pier. All around me are beautiful people who’ve look like they’ve been sent here by Central Casting. A young waiter comes up and smiles before handing me another free vodka and tonic. I didn’t have to tell him to hold the slice because  he’d remembered. Obviously. 

The Mighty Whistler is at the launch of Brighton Beach House, the latest branch of the Soho House chain. And it’s jumping. It’s busy, curiously so for a private club that isn’t actually open. It turns out London members were offered a day out by the seaside. Why not? Gives the place a bit of a vibe. And it does. The music’s playing, the sun’s blasting and these nice people keep coming round with trays of food and drink. Who said money doesn’t buy you the good things?  

It’s really very nice. It’s Grade 2 listed Art Deco very nice. There’s bars, rooms, a banana shaped pool. Art from the Local Collection – made up of work from local artists – and the Brighton Beacon Collection – work from LGBTQ+ artists “and is a love letter to Brighton as a historical beacon city for the queer community”.

I would say you should pop in for a drink, but to do that you have to be a member and to be a member… Well, that’s £1200 a year plus a £500 registration fee (because obviously it costs a lot to registrate). 

That might seem a lot just to go to a nice bar with posh sofas, but it’s not really that, is it. It’s £1700 to be able to – to misquote Groucho Marx – be a member of somewhere that wouldn’t have people like you as a member. (I know what Groucho really said, but this is probably more what members mean).  

I’m trying to get to the – free, obvs – fish’n’chip stall, but there’s a bloke singing  and there’s quite the crowd. Turns out it’s Sam who almost won Eurovision. It’s that kind of day. 

I’m with The Mighty Whistler’s Food Editor and she asks – as she does – where the fish comes from. “No one’s asked me that before” says the chap serving. I’m guessing no one will again. Not today anyway. It’s free.

I bump into a few people I know. 

“Are you a member here?”

“Yes, I joined. There are few places to go in Brighton where you can have a meeting, a decent cocktail and see nice people and each time of gone I’ve bumped into those”. Then she said “Also I like the fact that the interiors are all snuggly and like my mum’s house”. I wonder if you have to registrate at her mum’s house.  

If you want to have somewhere to go in the centre of town that’s smart and stylish, look no more. If you want to have somewhere to go to have meetings that tell your client “Yes, I’m successful”, it’s undeniably that place too. It’s not cheap – £17 for a  burger, £16 for a pizza –  but I guess that’s the point. 

It’s undeniably very nice – chic and stylish – and I really do love a posh sofa, but I’ve never been too sure about the whole member’s club schtick. I’m not I want that enforced exclusivity, not sure I want to pay the best part of two grand to keep people out. Maybe that makes me one of the people some people pay the best part of two grand to keep out. Who knows? 

It’ll be interesting to see whether it flies here, interesting to see whether Brighton’s now a Soho House kinda place. 

By the way, members can  take three guests – and should you join and should you need someone for that onerous task… 

https://www.sohohouse.com/houses/brighton-beach-house for more details

To celebrate his 150th birthday, Alexia Lazou, a local Beardsley enthusiast, will present an illustrated talk exploring the buildings and places associated with the artist’s early life, including his birthplace in Buckingham Road, the Annunciation church and Brighton Grammar School.

Through his connections with Oscar Wilde and the Decadent movement of the 1890s, Beardsley was catapulted into the spotlight and became notorious for his provocative black and white illustrations. His art not only shocked and delighted his late Victorian audiences, but saw a revival in the 1960s and ‘70s as his decadent themes appealed to the psychedelic youth, and today his imagery is increasingly being examined from a queer perspective.

This ‘armchair’ version of Alexia’s popular walking tour will also give you an opportunity to find out about other events taking place during August and September to celebrate the anniversary of this unique artist.

Saturday 23 July at 7pm, West Hill Hall, Compton Ave

See flyer below for more details

Pic: https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/

Who doesn’t want a night of drama, healing and dark humour? No one, right. Described as a “a quirky, likeable trip through the inner life of an urban young woman”, ‘The Formidable Lizzie Boone’, Manchester based Selina Helliwell’s new play, is centred around a therapist’s office, the show explores the intricacies of humanity through a woman who loves vodka – with lemonade? – and a cat called Lionel.

Lizzie catapults us through her life; from the torment of school bullies to darker experiences and chaotic spirals; the pieces of her life that jammed together, eventually pushing her over the edge and into her recent breakdown.

A burlesque dance scene also features, showing off the sensual and theatrical side of burlesque and highlighting ‘the art of tease’ to be a way of finding your own spark and celebrating your womanhood.

The Rotunda Theatre, Squeak, Regency Square

Thursday 7.45pm May 19; Friday 6.15pm May 20; Saturday 3.15pm May 21

In this foundation course you will learn the basic steps in Cha Cha Cha, Waltz, Rumba, Social Foxtrot, Ballroom Tango & Jive.
After the 6 weeks course you will be our new Beginners class and you can come on a pay as go (dance) basis.
*
Start:
Friday 20 May 2022
(NO class 1 July Fri)
*
Time:
7.45pm – 8.45pm
*
Cost:
£54.00p.p.
*
Venue:
West Hill Hall
Compton Avenue
Brighton BN1 3PS
*
* Advance booking only!
* You don’t need to bring a partner!
*
How to book:
Please send an email to: brighton_carola@hotmail.com
to book the course and we will confirm your booking and will send you more information about the course closer to the time.
*
For more information:
Email brighton_carola@hotmail.com
or phone Carola on 07786032224
*
Carola Degener-Pereira
ADTV, RSA, UKA qualified Dance Teacher & Fitness Instructor
Tel: 01273 772462 Mobile: 07786032224
*
Brighton Dancing FB Group

https://www.facebook.com/groups/145309061232

www.brightondancing.com 

www.brightontango.com