Sam Harrington-Lowe was going to talk about growing older gracefully. Or disgracefully. Or however it is you want to do it. But then life said something else 

This article was originally going to be about positive ageing. A rage against the purported dimming of the light, if you will. But actually, I’m going to write about being diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 51.

I was recently on the phone to a fella, I won’t say who, and we were talking about this. And he made some crack about it being the latest trend. And good lord weren’t there loads of women doing this now at our age, isn’t it fashionable ha ha. 

If he’d been in front of me, I might have been tempted to punch him across the room, but obviously only in my head because ABH etc. Also I’m working on my impulsiveness, now I know that I can be impulsive. 

But as I found myself patiently explaining – again – why having ADHD, or in fact any kind of neurodiversity really isn’t a trend, nor is it usually ‘fun’ or even funny (well, maybe sometimes funny), and not something you’d want to make up having, I did feel weary. A weariness that women everywhere will recognise anyway, and I expect all late-diagnosis ND people too.

‘But you seem so normal’, he continues, unabashed. I sigh. ‘Yes,’ I say. ‘And that’s taken half a century of exhausting acting.’ But I’m not ‘normal’, whatever the hell that even is. I’ve always known I was different, and always had to work hard to fit in. The reason for women being diagnosed later in life are so many and myriad I haven’t got room here. Let’s just say they slipped through the net.

Fortunately, the relief of being diagnosed more than compensates for (repeatedly) having to have idiotic conversations like this. Finding out that there was a good reason for being weird was such an emotional phenomenon, I’m not even sure I can put it into words.

Before diagnosis my day would be filled with trying to do too many things at once. Starting things and not finishing them. Working out how to do something and then not doing it because hey, now I’ve worked it out it’s boring. It was fighting executive dysfunction – I’d have a ten-minute job to do that was holding EVERYTHING ELSE up and not be able to do it. Just absolutely stuck, sometimes for weeks. By 11am I would be exhausted, unable to form clear thoughts. I was filled with panic, so I’d curl up on the sofa and hide from everything. I couldn’t talk to people. I could barely respond to text.

It was an inability to sit still, or concentrate on anything for more than about 10 minutes. It was a constant search for distraction which then led to a cluttered mind. It was being unable to decide what to wear every day, so mostly living in the same type of clothes 24/7. Offending people by blurting things out that were best left unsaid. It’s having hyperfixations and listening to the same tune or watching the same programme over, and over, and over again. It’s an inability to cope with noise and light, and an actual fear of supermarkets and the overwhelm.

There are masses more, but let’s do some positives, because there are some, and I try to be an upbeat sort of lunatic. When I’m under pressure, back-to-the-wall deadlines etc, I can turn out extraordinary things (although the crash afterwards is like the worst drug comedown ever). I’m able to paint, sing, play the piano, write, memorise whole pages of text, pass exams without actually going to any classes, run a business. I can see music; I have synaesthesia which is pretty cool. Music is coloured. I love that.

But it took almost a full-blown breakdown to get diagnosed and treated, because I’m also awful at asking for help. I’m fortunate – I’ve got a lovely GP (who I suspect is also ND), who was 100% in my corner. When I tentatively approached her with the possibility, feeling like I was being some kind of show-off for pretending I was special because yay imposter syndrome, and she took me seriously, I wept. I wept for weeks actually, as I went through the process, and ultimately had a psychiatrist diagnose me and prescribe me medication. I finally had an answer for all the things I did that made me feel such a failure. And a way to fix it.

Every school report I ever had said the same thing – Samantha would do well if she could concentrate for any length of time. Samantha is disruptive, Samantha only has herself to blame for this poor report… well finally Samantha understands why, and Samantha is getting on with shit. 

It’s hard not to feel cheated, like where would I be if I’d been diagnosed 25 years ago? But I’m here, and it’s now, and my life is opening up before me. Let’s do this thing.

#LifeBeginsAt50Sam is founder and Editor-in-Chief of Silver Magazine – for the mature maverick

www.silvermagazine.co.uk

Seven Cellars and Latina are part of the fabric of our world. They’re part of what makes the Dials the Dials. Now they’re under threat by the Co-op – maybe that’s what their motto “It’s what we do” really means. Louise Oliver of Seven Cellars explains what it means to her  

Seven Cellars is to me more than a shop. It represents a life-long dream to own my own business in Brighton. It represents four years studying Wine Business at Plumpton College. It is linked to friends and family, some whom are no longer with us, who helped me in so many ways to get it open, writing labels at one in the morning –  hurriedly getting an inadequate amount of change for our first days trade, poring over wine lists (and so many samples) to agonise which wines we should open with. It was enormous fun. And we were welcomed so heartily by the amazing people of Seven Dials I just knew it was going to be special. And it is.

All these things apply in different ways to Adelia at Latina café too. We were stunned to receive a call from our landlord, Bob (Patel – not his real name, his business name) to tell us he had sold our protected leases (I still don’t know how that can happen) to the Co-op for £1.5 million, thus making the Co-op our landlords.

The Co-op sent us both a letter which simply told us to change the bank details for rent payment with Immediate effect.  It was a bit rude to be honest because there was no attempt to introduce themselves, no niceties whatsoever.

They sent inspectors to “review” the properties – along with structural engineers and architects. They used a third party to tell us that they will be seeking to remove us from our properties. Under a protected lease there are only two reasons you can do that: non payment of rent or redevelopment. The redevelopment will happen. They will increase the size of the second co-op and force us to move out.

I did write to our MP but she said there was little we could do unless we can get an effective campaign to get them to back off. The expansion into our little shops is inevitable because it’s completely legal.

I wonder if it will cause consternation if we use their twitter hashtag #itswhatwedo to ask them if what they really do is put two well-loved family-owned shops out of business? I can confirm that whatever happens we will try to stay in the Dials and relocate as soon as we can if new premises can be found. We have three years yet so we are not going anywhere soon. The wheels of corporate business turn very slowly indeed.

Thank you so much for the support. So many of you are asking what you can do to help. We have been overwhelmed by the sentiment and people coming in to offer words of encouragement. Some people have sent letters to the MP and the council, some have offered to design posters. Some have offered their company on a lock in protest!

We’ve put a lot of planning and energy into Seven Cellars and Latina Café and now it feels as though all our plans are on hold and we have to live with constant uncertainty. We don’t take it personally but whether the co-op group intentionally or unintentionally are failing to give us clarity on what the next steps are the result it exactly the same and we are left worrying night after night about what the future holds. 

The irony is that Seven Cellars and Latina Café have been and still are successful and popular shops and yet they face an existential threat. On a final point and putting our own issues to one side the Seven Cellars and Latina Café premises go back to 1841. And I often wonder how many families have spent their lives trading from there and serving the community. It seems a bit brutal and unnecessary to bring it all to an end. When the Co-op already have a bigger shop just a few hundred meters away.

We are not powerless. We have a voice. There’s a petition at change.org. 

https://www.change.org/p/save-our-shops-from-the-co-op-corporate-greed-and-keep-seven-dials-in-brighton-independent?recruiter=903926200&utm_campaign=petition_published_onboarding_0&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition&fbclid=IwAR3Vqslf_2SZAArcbzV6C3we5Sb4yKn1gakgpx6kY6pU42Og3uMWhQhgLSY

Write, shout, put it on your social media platform. Don’t be passive, be active. You have a voice. Use it. 

If you’ve ever wanted to learn how to play acoustic guitar, this is the class for you. Tutor Zac will guide you through step by step in a fun and friendly atmosphere. 

The course covers the acoustic guitar through a variety of musical styles from rock and blues to world music. Learn a vocabulary of chords and simple technique that will get you enjoying your guitar from week one! 

Zac Hooper has been playing guitar for 30 years and comes from a family of musicians. He’s got a degree in jazz guitar and is an experienced teacher.

Testimonials

Zac’s style of teaching is superb! He takes each individual student’s needs and ensures that everyone understands, allowing for speedy learning while maintaining a relaxed and fun atmosphere. Molly

I have hugely enjoyed this class and learning the guitar with Zac.  He is an excellent teacher and somehow managed to cater for everybody’s levels and needs.  I will definitely go on to level 2.  This is the best course I have ever done in Brighton.  Karen

Zac is excellent at breaking things down to absolute basics whilst encouraging us to experiment and be spontaneous.  He also makes is a lot of fun! Sonya

Zac’s teaching style. Relaxed, informative, very easy to follow.  Even came away being able to play some tunes.  Aidy

Fantastic! Zac is a brilliant teacher – thank you for your enthusiasm and amazing talent. The whole course was brilliant. Kate

Zac has a unique way of teaching you guitar, without you realising, until you are doing it. You can tell he loves guitar music, his passion is infectious. Pirate Zac Rocks! Rhys

A great range of material and well crafted lessons that dovetailed together to help me create a confident playing style. I can’t believe how much I’ve learned and how much fun I had while doing so. Cheers Captain Zac!

A guitar god. You’ve made each lesson good fun and informative at the same time. I’ve learned so much in this course but in an easy way for me to remember. I will definitely be signing up for Level 2. Alice

Excellent course – well structured, very enthusiastic teaching, friendly and approachable tutor. Non-intimidating. Helen

BOOK HERE: https://www.evolutionarts.org.uk/acoustic-guitar-course-brighton-hove

Location: Westhill Hall, Brighton (Seven Dials) 
Next start date: Tuesday 10 May 2022, 6.00pm – 7.15pm, 6wks (there will be a break on 31 May)

So it’s up to us now. The government is happy to advise us about “safer behaviours” (masking, distancing, hand washing and, above all, getting vaccinated) but nothing’s mandatory. Individual transport companies, shops, or concert halls can demand that we mask as a condition of entry but it’s rare to see it enforced. But how do we decide what is safe?

The first point to make is that COVID-19 is very much around. At the beginning of April 2022 there were 4.5 million active cases in the UK and 20,000 active cases in Brighton and Hove, according to the ZOE Covid Study. With a population of 290,000 that means that 1 in 14 in Brighton and Hove will have COVID-19. That’s a bit worrying. Not all of them will be out in the street or on the buses, of course. Those with symptoms are more likely to stay at home. But one third will have no symptoms and quite a few more will have such mild symptoms that they haven’t thought to have a test. It means that, if you get on a full bus, it’s quite likely that there’s someone on board who is shedding the virus.

The second point is that it’s still not a trivial illness. Even those with mild symptoms find it can last a couple of weeks and knocks them out. Those with more severe disease can take months to recover. Even with the Omicron variant, 1 in 200 are admitted to hospital. Then there’s Long Covid, which is no joke and may last years. The Office for National Statistics reckons that 1.5 million people in the UK have it now. Strangely, it’s commonest, not in the elderly, but in those aged 35 to 49.

But how useful are those “safer behaviours”? Let’s take them in turn.

First, mask wearing. A recent study from California found that those who wore a mask all the time when indoors in a public place were half as likely to be infected as those who didn’t mask. And the ones who wore the best masks (KN95 masks) were the ones most likely not to be infected. But which mask should we use? I’m not keen on disposable “surgical” masks – they are single use plastic and we are trying to stop using such things. KN95 masks are stronger; you can reuse them till they start to get dirty. If you go for a fabric mask, choose carefully. The Consumer Magazine Which? did a survey which showed that reusable fabric masks varied in ability to trap tiny particles from 99.9% to 7% effective!  To read it search online on ‘survey of face masks by Which?’.

Second, what about distancing? It’s not as simple as 1 metre or 2 metres. It depends on whether the person shedding virus is masked or talking or shouting; outdoors or indoors, and if indoors how big the space is, and how well ventilated. Put simply, the  greatest risk is with lots of people, unmasked, in a small space for a prolonged time with poor ventilation, who are singing or shouting. Sounds as though a nightclub is the perfect venue for spreading virus but it could be the church choir practice.

What about hand hygiene – washing or sanitising? SAGE looked at the evidence recently and found that it can reduce respiratory virus infections, including COVID-19, by 16%. Rather than doing it every two hours (or whenever), do it after touching a surface that could be contaminated (e.g. a rail or door handle used by lots of people) and especially before putting a hand to your nose or mouth (e.g.eating).

Does vaccination protect us so we don’t need to bother with these safety measures? NO! It’s very effective at protecting us from serious disease, but full vaccination plus a booster only gives us 67% protection against catching COVID-19. How much the safety measures add to that protection depends on too many factors to give a single figure. For most people, however, they would bump their protection up to 80% or above.

What do I plan to do? I’ll take any boosters I’m offered. I’ll mask with a Which? recommended fabric mask if I go indoors in a public place, unless it’s practically empty. I’ll go to the cinema but not to the gym at a busy time. I’ll carry on sanitising my hands if I’ve touched things others have touched. And then we get to the most controversial change the government has made: no compulsory isolation for cases or contacts. I’m still going to isolate if I get COVID-19 and if I’m a close contact of someone who has it.

This brings me to my final point. This article has been about how to protect ourselves. What about how we can protect others? Some of those others will be people who could be killed by the virus. I can’t tell if the person next to me on the bus or in the queue in the supermarket is at high risk. So I’m going to behave as though they might be, and as though I could be carrying the virus.

You’re going to have a lovely weekend. Most likely the sun will shine, maybe you’ll be frolicking on the beach… Wouldn’t it also be nice to have a little sing, a get together and do something good.

The fine folk of St Micheal of all Angels Church have organised an event this Sunday the 3rd April to raise money to help Ukrainian refugees to settle in Brighton and Hove.  

The event will be a Children’s concert held at St Micheal of all Angels Church, Victoria Road, Brighton BN1 3HJ 4pm – 6pm.