We raided The Whistler archives for this tale
Even in these days of space, sputniks, strong telescope lenses and great human endeavour, there are no snails on the moon, but then, in a highly embarrassing incident, NASA equipment in an orbiting space probe above us failed to detect “any signs of life on Earth”. So, you never know.

But there are too many snails in my garden. How about yours? A friend of mine tells me that he regularly smites them into orbit, not caring where they land. Another friend calls from time to time and, while we chat, she picks up snails like cherries off the trees, plants and walls and pops them into plastic bags, which she nonchalantly slings into my bin. “But, but but!” I say, and she says, “Never mind!”
Continue reading A Snail Tale →