Life used to be so much simpler than it is today. For example, the first job I ever had was in a shop called Stamford Hill Stationers and it was called Stamford Hill Stationers because it was a shop selling stationery in a place called Stamford Hill. It was a curious shop, not very big and full of… just magic. 

It was a while ago, long before all this new fangled tech stuff we surround ourselves with now had even been dreamt about, and I loved stationery – which sounds an odd thing to say, but it’s true. Basildon Bond note pads with a sheet of carbon paper at the back. Blue note pads. Parker fountain pens that had little pipettes inside that sucked up the ink from the little pots of ink. But we sold all sorts of stuff. There was much excitement one week when we took delivery of the then new Bic disposable lighters. Terrible to admit, but I tea-leafed a handful and swapped them with Russell Roberts, who was working at Lord John where there was this pair of trousers… Kids, huh. 

Anyway, I was thinking about Stamford Hill Stationers because, well, in the back there was a “staff room” where you could put your coat and if you were a bit more grown up, make a cup of tea or something.(Why you’d do anything like that when there’s a Wimpey bar round the corner…). In the staff room there was a poster that said “The customer is always right”. And then underneath that, it said “Even when the customer is wrong, the customer is always right”. Life used to be so much simpler than it is today. 

Nice look” said the bloke at the entrance to Dick’s Bar at the Amex. “I always like to see what you’re wearing”. Since you asked,  – double breasted brown corduroy suit, black beret, tan and white co-respondents. I like suits. I like wearing suits. I like wearing nice suits. I could never get my head round “casual” clothes or “streetwear” or whatever. Why would you wear a tracksuit if you’re nowhere near a track? No one is going to call you “Dapper” if you’re wearing a hoodie from Gap. No. You wear a suit. A good, well cut suit. 

There aren’t many downsides to wearing good clothes, but you do need to look after them. You’re not going to put double breasted brown corduroy suit in the washing machine, are you? You’ve to go to the dry cleaners. And so it was that in the summer I took a fine cream linen whistle to my local dry cleaner – I live very close to Powis Square. Handed it in. Had a chat and, yes, Thursday for pick up is fine. 

I went in Thursday for pick up and… It was odd. The jacket was still a cream colour but the trousers had been completely discoloured. They were now white. What had been a very nice cream linen suit was now… not a suit at all. I pointed it out to the very nice woman working there who was sympathetic and gave me the email of the owner and… 

I’m guessing she never worked at Stamford Hill Stationers. She refused to talk, she would just email, and she proceeded to give me a lecture on the processes of dry cleaning (which, as a friend said, was ironic; if she knew so much about dry cleaning how come she ruined the suit?). It wasn’t a great conversation. After a series of emails, I contacted the Citizens Advice Bureau (nice people and sympathetic but ultimately couldn’t do anything) and she ended up threatening legal action if I wrote about it. Customer service aside, threatening a journalist is a bit silly, but… hey ho. 

I tried to explain that I’ll no longer take anything to her shop, not because they made a mistake with my suit – they’ve been really good until now and, look, it’s not the end of the world. We all make mistakes, we all do things that don’t turn out how we want and besides, now I’ve got an excuse to buy a new suit – but because she was so lacking in grace and courtesy. I just don’t want people like that in my world. If you make a mistake you say “That’s really terrible. I’m really sorry”. And that’s it. Maybe they could offer a free something. It shouldn’t be a drama. 

Maybe if you went to Stamford Hill Stationers now there’d be a sign in the back room “The customer is a bit of a nuisance and if they ever complain, threaten them with legal action”. Maybe. But I doubt it. Life used to be so much simpler.