It happens every year – regular as solstice clockwork. We gorge and party our way through the winter months and then bang on the midnight hour (Ist Jan) cry: “That’s it. I’m done. No more drinking/eating/indulging/spending….”
I see so many of my clients doubled-up like veritable pretzels chastising themselves for that extra slice or that ATM splurge. Not to mention the binge-watching and zero-exercise routine. “I’m going to be ‘good’ in the new year”, they plead, “Honest…no more take-aways”.
I see grumpy friends, colleagues and clients in ‘Dry January’, racing out the door on 1st February to turn on the beer taps with a collective ‘Phew’. Then the binge-indulge-remorse cycle starts all over again and by March people are back on the couch, bemoaning their waistlines (and their waste).
Resolution, Schmezolution. It can be a punitive start to the year.
Here’s the thing: I’ve come to believe that the annual roundabout of splurge and restraint has many threads to it: cultural, religious, environmental, elemental, familial. However, the way we approach being either ‘Good’ (= restraint) or ‘Bad’ (= indulging) is not really helpful. It’s too polar a perspective: black and white.
In my book Overcoming Addiction (Amazon) I look at how we can meet our real needs for ourselves without ‘filling up’ on the phoney, ersatz habits that we are told we must have in order to like ourselves. Or to feel better. (Or not to feel to all). Or to have fun, relax and relate.
I genuinely believe ditching the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ labels attached to food, drink, chocolate, spending, sex, exercise, money, TV and other daily necessities, is actually the healthy place to start.
Instead, we need to get in touch with our real needs and ask ourselves: “What do I really want, really need, right now?” Or “What am I feeling?” A bit of emotional literacy goes a long way. All too often we simply numb out before we can answer any of these questions.
We need to look after ourselves and our needs first and foremost – all the time. Not just in January. Instead of wrestling with new year’s resolutions, try and identify just one habit you’d like to curb or another one you’d like to adopt, as a new, more fulfilling, healthier, happier way of life. You may even enjoy it.
Instead of thinking about things as ‘naughty’ or ‘nice’, ask yourself what you really want. It could be contact with a friend, a dance round the living room or simply a good night’s sleep.
Make sure there’s a good dollop of leisure and pleasure in your daily life, too. Living in West Hill, and in Brighton, that’s not too hard to find. A stroll to the sea, a coffee in a funky café or simply a night sky over the West Pier can work wonders.
A healthy habit isn’t just for Christmas. It can be for life.
l Growing Old(er) Disgracefully by
Corinne Sweet
Psychotherapist, writer, broadcaster
The Whistler 