Don’t mention the ‘C’ word’, my friend, Rosie, whispers. We are sitting comfortably having a lovely flat white at T at the Dials in a brief respite from the autumnal rain and gloom. Suddenly alert, I learn forward and look at her anxiously. ‘Oh, I didn’t know…what’s the prognosis?’
Rosie suddenly twigs – ‘Oh, good grief, not Cancer, but Christmas! It’s that time of year when all hell lets loose about the festive season’. We fall about laughing.
Don’t get me wrong, the festive season can be fun, it can be great, especially for children, but it can also be too much pressure and stress. But for many of us, (particularly women), Christmas denotes the season of hard slog. On top of work, family commitments, pet care, there are those relational negotiations worthy of the G20.
Another friend of mine got so fed up with sitting in motorway jams and running between families, he decided to plonk a duvet down in the living room and spend Christmas watching Harry Potter films from start to finish.
Whether it’s Christmas, Chanukah, other festivities, the demands on us to organise, spend, cook, gather and consume, can be overwhelming for some. As a psychotherapist dealing a great deal with addiction, I see many people daunted by the exhortation to eat, drink and be merry.
Plus, the delicacies of dealing with complex family and other relationships can also be exhausting. Step-families, blended families, new inlaws and outlaws, break-ups and mid-splits can create a chequer-board of emotional complexity.
I’m no killjoy, I like a mince pie or latka as much as the next person, but I do feel in these austere and complex times, we need to get control of the ‘oughts’, ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ that can drive us nuts over the winter festive season.
Some basic ‘stay sane’ rules:
•Work out what you want to do first and foremost – if you want time alone that’s fine; you’re allowed to break with ‘tradition’ and do what you want as a grown up;
•If you are alone and want company – there’s loads of things you can do – singing to people in care homes; working for charities/food banks, cat/dog sitting, etc
•If you are recently split or in a new relationship and/or there are delicate issues to negotiate – don’t run yourself ragged trying to make everyone happy. Compromise;
•Expect traffic, train disruption, and keep things manageable – aiming for perfection is impossible and always disappoints;
•Be mindful of your food and drink intake – it’s great to celebrate, but all those ‘get fit’ new year’s resolutions lie ahead. Plus, too much inebriation can lead to trouble and strife – get some fresh air and exercise and keep things calm.
At the café Rosie and I are still contemplating over our coffee froth. She explains she always gets into debt over the festive season as she puts stuff on credit cards. ‘This year, I’m determined to rein it in’. ‘Like Rudolph, on his way to Lapland’, I suggest.
‘Tis the season to look after yourself, stay sane, and hope for goodwill towards all men and, of course, women.
Growing Old(er) Disgracefully by
Corinne Sweet
Psychotherapist, writer, broadcaster
The Whistler 